Acceptance
by Paulette Glover on 05/06/19
Acceptance
NOUN … the act of taking or receiving something offered…the act of assenting or believing.
Accept your partner with all his or her small quirks,
habits and little annoyances.
Uncle Mike picked his teeth with a toothpick. Aunt Jane repeatedly blew her
nose then tucked her hanky up her sleeve for easy access. Annoyances to be
sure, but since they were two of the kindest people ever known, these habits
were accepted by the family without comment.
Everyone has little quirks or annoyances adopted at an early age, some more
annoying than others, like wiping your hands on your shirt sleeve instead of using
a napkin.
When you first began dating, everything is rosy! Each of you are putting
your best foot forward focusing all of your attention on getting to know each
other’s basic interests. At this level, you don’t know if he leaves sweaty
socks on the living room floor, the toilet seat up, or cleans his facial hairs
out of the bathroom sink. You don’t know if her clothes are strewn all over the
bedroom, if she’ll use your razor on her legs or forget to put the lid on the
toothpaste. These are things you learn after making a commitment.
After living with your partner a while, the habits that you either
didn’t notice or that didn’t bother you at the beginning stages may become
maddening!
You’ve nagged, begged and pleaded for
change and it still hasn’t worked. So what do you do? Some habits are easy fixes, like using silent
reminder post-a-notes on the bathroom mirror, “remember to clean out the sink”
or the car steering wheel, “remember to get gas.” You need to be able to communicate
how irritating it can be finding hairs in the sink or getting into a car on empty.
Make certain to share with your partner how
much you’re bothered by whatever it is. Use your “I” statements. “Honey, I feel
uncomfortable when I get into bed and it’s covered with potato chip crumbs.
Could you please not eat in bed?”
Instead of nit-picking, focus on his
positive traits and have gratitude for the richness he adds to your life. Check your anxiety level to see if there is
something else that is troubling you. There’s the saying, “crap slides
downhill.” In the movie It’s a Wonderful
Life, when the easy going character George Bailey can’t find the missing money
and the bank examiner is breathing down his neck, he starts spiraling downward.
When his son Pete tells him about the
neighbor’s car, he says, “What’s the matter with our car? Isn’t it good enough
for ya!’” He complains about the house being a “drafty old barn” He tells Zuzu’s
teacher she’s a “silly, stupid teacher” He screams at Janie’s piano playing
telling her to “Stop it!” While this is
an exaggerated scene and hopefully your day isn’t as bad as George’s, but if
you have stress piling up on you every day, you could be acting out your personal
stress by complaining about your partner’s habits. Think, what are you really upset about and why?
It’s important to note that there are definite behaviors that can ruin
any relationship. These go beyond the annoyances of finding potato chips in bed
and often have to do with bodily functions or cleanliness, putting the job or
other people first, not spending enough time together, excessive nagging or being
overly critical. If any of these behaviors sound familiar, there could be
underlying currents of bigger problems that need to be addressed.
When you accept each other’s minor quirks and habits, you remain one
solid unit. Change what you can and accept what you can’t. In other words, don’t
sweat the small stuff.
You don’t need someone to complete you.
You only need
someone to accept you completely.
Author
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